Brass Patina Nails - A Near-Foolproof Technique

Look, I meant to make a post about nail polish. Then somehow an essay happened. If you want to see nails then go ahead to the part with pictures.  If you want to read my rambling train of thought in getting there, I guess I'm not deleting it... yet. Knock yourself out.

As you may have noticed if you've been attempting to follow this blog, one of the few subjects that you can expect me to post about with any regularity is Halloween. I love Halloween, but more specifically I love costumes. Recently I've been thinking that if I could get a masters degree in anything, I would probably want to get it in a combination of stage makeup and costuming, as well as fashion design and perhaps some very understated performance art. I would get my master's in disguise. 

This is somewhat inspired by last year's costume (she said, linking to her own blog as if she'd made more than two posts in the nearly ten months since then...) as well as Ru Paul's Drag Race, and waaay too much time spent locked away in my room playing Dress Up as a kid. This year I hope to pull off David Bowie as Ziggy Stardust, which will be my first attempt at drag. Admittedly he's not the most... genderful character, but whatever. You gotta start somewhere right?

Anyway, right now I'm learning to be a girl. I'm female, sure, but you know. Makeup and stuff. I never really learned it. I'm drawn to nail polish because I'm a little more familiar with it, having gone through a phase in the 4th and 5th grade. I got pretty good at applying it at the time it seemed, but as it turns out 10-year-olds have pretty low standards. Apparently a second coat is basically mandatory, as is a topcoat. Oh, and there are primers too I guess, though I have no intention of delving into any more layers than I already have to contend with. It is madness. Sheer madness.

All of this means that now I suck at nails. All of the layers means more drying time, and now that I'm an adult I actually have things that I have to do with my time. I can't just not use my hands for that long! It seems like each coat is always too thick or too thin or not smooth, or if I somehow manage to get it just right and hold perfectly still for like an hour, it turns out that my nails are STILL tacky, and end up with weird indentations.

So, getting to the damn point, I wanted to figure out a technique that would use my weaknesses to my advantage. This is something I learned while studying sculpture which may seem a bit bullshitty, but is actually invaluable. When you're learning a craft, you generally suck at it in the beginning. And then if you try hard you get mediocre for a long time. It's very easy to get frustrated and give up (and trust me, I've given up or set aside a few dozen skill sets) but if you can find a way to work with the things you're doing wrong instead of trying to get around them, you sometimes end up with a result which is more satisfying than just settling for churning out crap until you improve.

I picked up a couple of new polish colors last weekend, and they reminded me of copper and brass. I used to work with soft metals a fair amount, and loved the variations in patina that could be given to copper, brass and bronze. I don't have any polish that's really bronze colored, so I decided to go for a brass patina look.

Cast Bronze Patinas, from http://www.acssigns.com

If I do this again, I'll have to get a bronze polish and try to recreate specific patinas. If you ever get into it, The Colouring, Bronzing and Patination of Metals is incredibly fun to page through as well as being extremely useful. 

Left to right: L.A. Colors Wavelength, L.A. Colors Fiery Orange, Sinful Colors Gorgeous, Sally Hansen Lightning Frost, NYC Matte Me Crazy - a wonderful product with an incredibly stupid name.

A sponge was involved.

Well, 1/8 of a sponge was involved.

Nevermind the map - it was on the wall that proved easiest to photograph my own hands on. It required some timer trickery and probably too much trust in autofocus...

Step 1: I applied a thin layer of one of the first three colors to each nail and let it dry completely.

Step 2: Using a scrubber-free edge of a sponge bit (if you want to try this out, get it a little bit damp beforehand - I found that having it completely dry didn't work at all well and it's hard to arrange wetting it while you have fresh polish on) I lightly pressed a light, textured layer of first Gorgeous (blue) and then Fiery Orange. I was going for more of the appearance of flecking rather than too much 3D texture. I found that if I was too heavy handed I got too 3D, or else wore away the thin basecoat. I found it worked best to dab just once or twice, and only over small areas of the nail. I didn't put both fleck colors on every nail. Some I left almost fleck free, others got really loaded up. I just wanted irregularity and multiple colors on each nail! Again, I let my nails dry completely.

Step 3: I used the Lightning Frost, which is a really sheer silver to do some damage control. I filled in the thin spots I'd made by accident and smoothed out the more textured bits. Matte topcoat (we'll get to that later) doesn't like bumps, though I've found it mostly only matters with black or really dark colors. I didn't do a full coat with the silver - just the spots that needed it, and a few that didn't to be really consistently irregular. Then I let my nails dry, yet again. I'm not sure it was as complete this time though...

Step 4: I went back in with Wavelength (brass) to create the effect of the underlying metal. When you patina metal, you can rub away the patina from the high points allowing the underlying metal to show through in relatively smooth areas, which creates a nice contrast with the patina hiding in the crevasses. That doesn't really work with nail polish, so I did it backwards and put the brass on top of the "patina" in select areas. This polish is way thicker than the silver, so I had to be a little more careful with it. At this point I waited for hours so that my nails would be truly dry, as the topcoat is the step where you can actually mess this manicure up.

Almost done! Just needs matte topcoat!

I'm particularly fond of this nail, though I had to doctor the photo to get the blue to show up.

Lefty, pre-topcoat.

 Step 5: I applied one layer of matte topcoat (I'm not writing the name again) and BAM!  Suddenly the colors are all blending and slightly frosted and oh-so-satiny-nice. This topcoat doesn't fully matte metallics, but I love what it does to them.

After matte topcoat and shower.

Lefty post-topcoat.

And the result is.... I'm quite pleased! I will definitely be playing with this some more and getting more heavily into the bounty of patina geekiness. I even enjoyed doing it, which is kind of the point.

Italy is awesome, travel is hell.

Currently I am relaxing in my parents' apartment outside of Siena, Italy. This relaxation has been hard earned, as the stress involved in getting here was crushing at the time. Before I get to pretty photos (taken with fancy new camera - yay!) let me just give you a breakdown of THE HORRIBLE STRESS OF TRAVEL.

If you've done any traveling at all, then you probably know that the best stories/memories are made in the most horrible moments. I had a pretty epic series of these moments, starting about 36 hours BEFORE my trip, when I discovered that although my passport was still valid for a month, this was not enough to be granted entry into Italy. Emergency passport updates are expensive. It's good to check these things months in advance, but I was given and accepted some bad information, so I'd thought I was fine. What followed became so ridiculous that I was almost convinced that the universe was trying to save me from a flight that was destined to go down. We'll see if I make it home....

• 10 PM 3/30 - I discover that my passport won't get me in to Italy.
• 1 AM 3/31 - Research leads me to discover that I must update my passport in person, at an agency. The nearest ones are in Seattle and San Francisco. I'm flying to SF to get my connection, so I try to schedule an appointment there using the automated phone system.
• 1:30 AM 3/31 - The only remaining appointment is for 11:00 am 4/1. My flight arrives there at 12:55 PM. Doesn't quite work, but I make the appointment, cause what choice do I have?
• 8 AM 3/31 - I call the airline (American - they are bastards) to reschedule my flight for an 8 AM departure/ 10:00 arrival in SF. This cuts it a bit close, but it's the only option, once again. Rebooking costs FUCKING $400! They can't just rebook the one flight, they have to rebook the return as well, even though it isn't changing. It's a fucking criminal policy, but what am I going to do? Throw away tickets to Italy?
• 6 AM 4/1- Amy (who is my hero, FYI) borrows Talia's car to drive me to the airport, but we being cyclists get lost on the way. Highways are hard...
• 7 AM - I finally make it to the airport and go to check in. The lady at the counter is the slowest moving individual I've ever encountered. I attempt to check my bag through to Geneva, where I'll have a layover for the night. With my passport about to expire, they can't even do that. Given the time limit in getting to my appointment, this means I have no choice but to abandon my backpack at baggage claim and pick it up on the way back in. Hopefully airport security doesn't catch on, as leaving luggage unattended is a big no-no.
• 8 AM - on board my flight I'm at the very back. I talk to the flight attendant, explaining my situation. I ask if there's anyway they can let me get to the exit before everyone starts milling about in the aisles, digging in the bins (it can take as much as 30 minutes to get off the plane once this starts). They tell me that there's an open seat in row 6 I can have. Finally a bit of luck!
• 10 AM - the flight lands and the man next to me (in the aisle seat) insists on blocking my way out while getting his bag out of the bin. I try to explain, and he has plenty of room to step aside while he gets his bag, but he's an entitled prick (you know, the kind of man who wears a business suit so he thinks he's important, yet he isn't seated in business class....), so he won't do it. The older woman who has the window seat on the other side of me says "he just doesn't want you to get ahead of him" and shoves me past his sorry ass. I yell "THANK YOU!" and run for it.
• 10:30 AM - I have made it onto BART and am on my way into SF for my appointment. The train stops in a tunnel. There are people on the tracks up ahead. My heart sinks. Am I about to have to turn around and shell out another $400 for a flight back to Portland after all of this? NO! The train starts to move again after 5 minutes and I JUST make it to my appointment in time.
• 12 PM - I have made it through my appointment, and just have to return between 3 and 4 to pick up my new passport. That leaves 3 or 4 hours to make it to my 7 PM flight (minus the suggested 2 hours for check in and the indignities of passing through security). I meet up with my brother who lives in SF, we get lunch, I drop my stuff at his apartment and we take a walk.
• 2:45 PM - on the way back to get my stuff before picking up my passport, some fire trucks pass us. We get to his apartment building and they're parked outside. We both exclaim "FUCK!". Fortunately it was a false alarm. We're granted entry, and on the way in a fireman emerges carrying a giant axe, complaining that he didn't get to use it.
• 3:15 PM - I go to pick up my passport. The line is vast. It's after 4 by the time I get it.
• 5 PM - I make it back to the airport and go to the domestic arrivals to get my bag. Nobody mentions anything about its being left unattended, thankfully. Then I have to find my way to check in at the international terminal, which is really fucking far away. SFO is a pretty big airport.
• 7 PM - I've made it to my flight. Now, a few months ago I paid $30-something each way to choose my seat, which is a newish service from British Airways (also bastards). I did this so that I could be behind the bulkhead with a little more legroom, as airplanes are torture for the long legged. They have changed my seat assignment. Both ways. Turns out this happened to both of my parents too, leading me to believe that the choose your own seat system is a total fucking scam. I can apply for a refund within 14 days, but I'll bet they count on most people forgetting to do that, and chances are they'll claim that the seat they gave me was comparable since it was an aisle seat (if there's no extra legroom, I prefer the window and it gives you something to lean on).

Anyway, there was more after this, but the rest of it amounts to vague irritations in comparison to the above. I eventually made it to Venice, which is where I met with my mother before coming to Siena. Now, ON TO PHOTOS OF VENICE!

I think the narrow residential canals are my favorite... this one was nice and quiet, which is rare in such a touristy place.

We found a sock shoppe. We explained with some difficulty that I work for an American sock company. I gave her my card. She tried to give us a mannequin leg. She was basically the cutest thing ever.

Gondolas!

In front of San Marco Cathedral.

The Grand Canal.

Borg masks. Venice is big on masks.

Ch-ch-ch-changes.

In the interest of actually updating my blog from time to time, I have decided to move away from being a craft-specific blog to become more of a lifestyle/things I'm in to at the moment blog. Hopefully it will still be pretty craft heavy.

I recently purchased a new camera (the last one was terrible and would only take decent closeups, and only sometimes), so photos should be improving. Some other things to look forward to:

• Europe trip - next month I'll be touring Geneva, Tuscany and London. I expect to see lots of great art and craftsmanship. Photos should abound.
• Virtual tour of my live/work space - having filed my tax return I can now clear away the pile of paperwork which has been taking over my work table since the medical bills started piling up last fall. The plan is to "spring clean" my whole room situation so as to photograph it.
• Knitting projects - I have a particularly exciting and time consuming one coming up just as soon as I finish this scarf...
• Sewing projects - I have a couple of dresses to make and a couple friends who need sewing lessons. Two birds, one stone.
• Metal work - shoot, I gotta get back in to it! I'd do an entry on "how to do metal work in a totally unsafe and unsuitable environment" only the answer seems to be "don't".
  
• Glass - I have some ideas and techniques I'd like to mess around with.
• Garden - I'm likely taking over stewardship of our garden this year. We will see how that goes.

If the above reads like a to-do list, that's probably because it is that.

Halloween: It's a (tacky) culture AND my costume + PikaDarko

What, bitch? Can't you see I'm texting? Photos by Brenna Zedan.

Yep, it's been a while, yet again. Luckily for anyone attempting to follow my blog, I CANNOT allow Halloween to pass without a post.

This year I am dressed as an Ugg boot wearin, giant-purse-with-tiny-dog carryin, hair straightenin, bronzer wearin, tasteless bitch. I didn't really make anything for this costume, but I did pay a LOT of attention to detail, down to the pink, vanilla flavored lip gloss and bubblegum (which I can't stand the flavor or smell of, but I'm being really method with this character). I'm also terrible with makeup as I tend not to wear it, but that seems to be juuuuust right for this look.



What I DID make was an intentionally creepy and janky Pikachu costume. I could not have anticipated just how creepy or janky it would actually be, but I'm happy with the results. Hopefully Victor will be too, as he is the one who must wear it. I used a huge yellow terry cloth t-shirt as the base for the tunic, adding stripes, a (highly problematic) tail and dangley little feets. Then I got a plastic rabbit mask and painted it like a Pikachu face, which makes for an eerily realistic Pikachu, and seems to remind everyone who sees it of Frank the rabbit of the apocalypse, from Donnie Darko.

This bitch was my best friend back in elementary school, but then she turned into a gothy ho bag, so obviously I can't be associated with her.

Oh sheet....

I finally got around to making this dress that I've been meaning to make. I think I've been procrastinating on this project for about six months. The project itself took about 6 hours. This is pretty typical for me. I've been wanting to make something with the space print sheets I had as a kid. Since the 1960's concept of the future is my favorite future aesthetic, I figured it would be best to incorporate that aesthetic into this dress.

A few of my favorite 1960's dresses are simple, a-line designs, which are completely devoid of waistlines. On is actually a ridiculous nightgown, but that's besides the point. The point IS that I enjoy wearing these styles with a belt, as shapeless garments aren't particularly flattering on me. I also like that the belt is gauranteed to fall at my real waist (I have a long torso, so sometimes this is a problem with more fitted dresses) and creates a nice gathered effect which is highly adjustable. It is therefore convenient that this 60's tunic pattern fell into my lap. I'm pretty sure that in the future everyone wears tunics. With belts.

I used a hand-me-down pattern for a somewhat shapeless tunic from 1968. It was blurry. Definitely not my camera or photography skills at fault here.

I wanted to keep the top sheet for laying-in-grass purposes, so I had to flatten out the fitted sheet by removing the elastic and opening the seams.

As my mother likes to remind me, ironing is an inherent and annoying part of sewing.

I did modify the pattern a little. I saw no reason to cut out two back pieces and sew them together, so I just took out the seam allowance and cut it as one piece (for those of you who don't sew, this is done by folding the fabric in half and placing the center line of the pattern on the fold).

Darts. I love them so.

I haven't followed a pattern in a while, so something got a little off with the neck and shoulder facings.

And it's done! Or is it...

Better put a belt on it. I like to scrunch the extra fabric in the front and the back, keeping it relatively flat on the sides. Good belt wearing technique is important.

And the back view. This photo makes me realize that while I've gotten pretty good at trimming my own hair, I need a friend to add some layers to the back.

Because my mother wonders when I'll update my blog...

Today I bring you everyone's least favorite tool, the jeweler's saw! I'm actually a huge fan of it, but I tend to have more patience for meticulous tasks than most normal people do. It's great because it's simple and inexpensive, and you can make incredibly intricate designs with it. Today I'll be making a Wu-Tang headbadge for my friend's bike (see my previous post involving my bike for an example of another homemade headbadge). It's a quick and easy project, but you can get as elaborate as your patience allows.

To get started, draw your design on paper, and stick it to your sheet metal (I'm using a scrap of brass) with rubber cement. Remember to let it dry completely so that the paper doesn't start sliding around.

This is the saw. Note that the blade is about the width of a strand of dental floss. The teeth only work in one direction, so when you put the blade on your frame you want to make sure that the teeth are pointing towards the handle.

Starting from the outside edge, begin sawing in towards your design, keeping the blade perpendicular to the metal. Once you get to your outline, you're basically tracing your drawing with the blade. Remember that the saw only cuts when you're pulling down. The trick to smooth curves and tight corners is to keep the saw moving constantly.

If you're trying to cut out the inside of a design while leaving the outside in tact, you can use a drill to make a hole in the middle of your design, then thread the saw blade through and attach to the frame.

You will go through some blades. It can be startling when they break, but it's normal. The more practice you have, the fewer blades you'll break. Again, keeping the blade in motion and at a 90 degree angle to your work will help immensely.

Once the design is all cut out you can sand/buff/shape/patina/basically do whatever you want with it. Hurrah!

A quick one.

In the interest of actually updating from time to time, I bring you... THE BAMBOO SCAFFOLDING FIASCO!

So I have this vine, which is a very lovely passion flower vine, which is NOT supposed to be an indoor vine, due to its ridiculous rate of growth during the summer. Last year it grew about 12 feet in two months, and I kept having to tie strings to various parts of my ceiling to allow its continued growth. As my ceiling is very high and I don't have a ladder or enjoy heights, I decided that before we get too far into this year's growing season I'd build it something more low-maintenance to grow on. Something made of cheap and easy-to-locate materials. Something like... a grid made of string and bamboo.

Now, on to photos before this gets any more lack-luster:

The vine, looking a bit wistful. Yes, wistful.

Very basic materials. You get no process shots. This is good enough for the likes of you.

And it's done, as if by cooking show magic!